Perhaps my longstanding fear was not so false and pretended. But simply justified.
2020, November
Everything gains its value from the attention it receives.
The female body is only sacrosanct because men like it.
Words are so weak compared to the language of bodies.
If you talk a lot, you are weak.
We are all hurt
And we all hurt each other
We feel the pain of another
No matter how great her love is, no one can get close to her. And that surely is a principle that is not entirely foreign to me.
A human cannot hold themselves on their own.
It has always been the books that saved me.
Need speaking everyday
Don’t have it
My parents were never there for me. I feel orphaned, feral. As unfair as these words may sound to their ears, they are true for me.
Laying my head on the kitchen counter like a piece of meat.
You lose your path, your destiny. And you lurch pantomimically in the steps of what has been, before you
fall.
All my growth, my survival in being alone, is also owed to the disappointments with E.
Checking repeatedly that J. (already a few weeks ago) has deleted the chat history.
For every ›I meant no harm‹ she should burn in hell.
You only need help (from God) if you are doing badly. What sounds simple is not so obvious.
This paid work (bike courier for Lieferando) is like a vacation from myself. Or vacation from the problems I have otherwise.
Heartbreak is strictly interwoven with the material situation.
I have something against people who don’t create anything themselves. Who only curate, discuss, comment.
First published: June, 2023.